one
Dear Ivy, March 2, 2008
I'm sure you didn't expect this letter. I have thought of you often, but between long hours at work, the holiday season - which went by in a blur - the weeks turning into months (can you believe it's March 08 already?), and not knowing exactly what to say, this reply is long overdue. I received your heartfelt letter and all I can say is I'm sorry. I know it probably doesn't give credence to your feelings, but I am. The way things were going one of us was bound to get hurt and I am sorry that person was you. I never planned for that to happen. Like you, I have very much enjoyed getting to know you better outside the office and looked forward to our catch-ups (notice I did not refer to them as dates as you did in your letter). You are a wonderful, beautiful, vivacious young woman and have nothing but great things ahead of you in life. As for myself, I made my choices long ago and must honor them. The carefree life that you have at present is not one that I necessarily enjoy.
I will admit, however, that I was swept up in "all things Ivy" and allowed myself a freedom not known since I don't know when.
I know I thanked you for the gifts you gave me (cd, photo of us at the park, the poetry you'd written for me, and the bottle of aged scotch), but I'd like to most sincerely thank you again. They were awesome and put a smile on my face even now when I think of you. I hope that you can one day enjoy the music I gave to you in return. They are simply songs that I have enjoyed and wanted for you to do the same. Unlike you may think, there is no underlying meaning to my having sent them to you, I just thought they would put some pep in your step (not that you need any pep in your step with those long legs of yours, but you get what I am saying...).
Saying I "treasure our friendship" sounds so cliché, especially in light of everything, but please know that I do and am here if you ever want to talk or need advice of any kind. I know you are going to do great things in your life (you already have!) and I wish you nothing but the best. You are an inspiration and I am so glad I got to know you better. And again please know that I am very sorry that you were hurt in all of this - whatever this was - because it was not my intention. I can only offer my friendship and thought I had been clear on that all along.
Truly, all best.
KR
From: keithr@email.com
Sunday February 16, 2007 9:12pm
Hey! Sorry I couldn’t meet for lunch or drinks on Friday, it was a crazy day at the office and I left early to get a jump on the weekend. But I’m sure you were fine and had your pick of the litter for V-Day, especially if you wore that little number you had on two weeks ago when we had drinks. SMOKIN'! If you did wear that, I'm sure you were more than fine and I'd like a report of some sort. Kidding :)
Things have been so hectic with raising capital for the new fund and those pesky kid schedules have been dominating my time. I swear I was never as busy as they are when I was their age.
Let me know which day works better for you next week to meet up. I can free myself on Tuesday or Wednesday and we can try that new bistro you were interested in. In the meantime sweet dreams...
Until,
KR
“So what does this mean, Maggie?” Ivy asked her friend over coffee the next day.
“Let me read it again,” Maggie said taking the BlackBerry from Ivy. “I’d say it’s clear to me that he is all about Ivy. That’s what I think. Writing you on a Sunday night? Shouldn’t he be reading bed time stories to his kids?”
“They’re in high school, remember?”
“Yeah, but still.”
“I know! It’s crazy, right!?” she said as a smile crept across her face.
“So when are you seeing him again?”
“Tuesday. We’re having dinner at BistroTwenty after work.”
“Well one thing that’s for sure. He sure isn’t afraid to be seen in public with you.”
“I know. It’s pretty cool. I mean, he’s pretty cool.”
To Ivy's delight, Keith had reserved a candlelit booth in the back of the restaurant overlooking the harbor. Dressed more for summer than winter in a black mini skirt with riding boots that showed off her toned legs, she arrived fifteen minutes early and ordered a bottle of Cabernet as she wanted it to breathe and open up before his arrival. She also ordered a gimlet for herself and a scotch on the rocks for him - a round of cocktails beforehand. She was grateful for the dimmed lighting that she hoped diminished the zit that formed overnight on her cheek; her usual flawless skin flaring up. Probably nerves, she thought, in anticipation of seeing Keith. To anyone else, this imperfection would be barely visible, but for Ivy, it seemed punitive.
“Hey you, nice to see you,” he said hugging her tightly.
“You too.” She smiled. “I ordered your drink for you. Figured you needed it.”
“Thank you. And you ordered wine too. You are amazing, Ivy. You know that?” He stared at her for a moment before speaking again. “You always seem to know exactly what I want.”
She wondered if he could hear her heart beating through her chest and felt her cheeks flush crimson. “I just remembered from the last time,” she said as she cast her eyes downward, breaking his gaze. If his oceanic eyes penetrated hers any longer she was certain they would see right through her.
“Cheers,” he said. Their glasses clinked as his wedding band caught the light from the setting sun, reflecting into her eyes.
From: blueivy@email.com
Thursday, February 20, 2007 8:30am
Morning!
I'm sure you are in some boring meeting or other right now as I am headed into the city for another interview. This time to work as the assistant to the editor of a fashion magazine - I think I told you about it the other night, but after three rounds of drinks and two bottles of wine, I can't really remember what we talked about, but I remember your asking me if I'm a La Perla girl or a Jockey girl, and trying to steal a peek, no less (bad boy!), so I'm sure it was a spirited conversation :). I'm La Perla in case you forgot but am also partial to Cosabella... I hope yesterday wasn't too painful for you at work; I'm so glad I don't work there anymore. I would have died sitting there all day doing nothing wishing I were home recovering from my hangover! You poor thing.
Okay, here's something crazy, I had this weird dream when I got home on Tuesday that I had been out to dinner with Jack (more like a nightmare if HE'S in my dreams!) and I totally fell asleep on him. Must have been the booze, but absolutely not a sweet dream at all!
Anyway, I can babble on all day so I will close now. Headed to the train for my interview this afternoon. Wish me luck!
From: keithr@email.com
Thursday, February 20, 2007 9:15am
Hey you! You were right, I'm sitting here bored out of my mind in a meeting right now. I almost burst out laughing when I read about your dream with Jack. He was presenting right as I read that and had to control myself. I don't know how you used to work for him and can see how you would have fallen asleep on him in your dream. I guess I will have to come up with something sweet for you to dream about before you leave!
Good luck today, you'll do great and I am sure you will get it. I don't have much time tomorrow but I can meet you for lunch if you are free so you can tell me about it. Let me know.
By the way, you looked fantastic the other night and I had a great time. You been putting in some extra time at the gym? Your legs looked great...
KR
two
From a block away she saw Keith, looking divine, enter the steakhouse. Her legs quivered as she fussed with her hair. She undid her high ponytail and fluffed out her maple locks and felt satisfied as she felt them settle over her shoulders. The February air was brutal to her bare hands when she retouched her lipstick.
She entered the restaurant and saw Keith waiting for her at the bar with two glasses of red wine. He removed her coat and checked it for her. Upon his return he gave her an extended hug and furiously rubbed her back to warm her.
"You're ice cold, Ivy. Good thing I got you a glass of red. Hopefully, it will warm you," he said smiling at her.
"Thank you." His hands felt smooth as they moved from her back to the sides of her bare arms. The maître d interrupted Ivy's pleasure by showing them to their table.
"So how did it go?"
"Good. I have to go back next week for a second round." She took a sip of wine and felt his eyes bury into her. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Her skin flushed and she tried unsuccessfully not to fidget with her hands that rested on the table.
"It's nothing. Never mind," he said as he took a long swallow of his wine. He then signaled for the waiter and ordered another round.
"Tell me. It's okay."
He took her hands in his and longingly looked at her for what felt like forever before speaking. "It's just that I'm going to miss you. I can't believe you're leaving."
Ivy's ears turned red from his sudden confession. Before she realized what was happening he joined her on her side of the booth. Her heartbeat accelerated.
"Oh. I'm going to miss you too, Keith. These past few months have been awesome hanging out with you."
"Yes they have been." He rested his hand on her thigh, gently caressing her bare leg. She did not remove it.
"Well I haven't officially gotten the job yet, so for now I'm still going to be around."
"And that's good news to me," he said moving her hair over her ear and speaking directly into her ear; the message being received directly into her heart.
From: keithr@email.com
Monday, February 25, 2007 10:15pm
Hi,
How was your day? More of the same for me, work, schedules, etc.
I have an extra ticket to the football game on Wednesday night. Wanna go? I need to maximize my Ivy time before it's too late :) We can grab a late dinner afterwards too. I'm in the mood for another bottle of Cab...
Until,
KR
"He's taking you to a football game? Why isn't he taking his son?" Maggie said helping Ivy pick out an outfit at her apartment.
"I dunno. What about this dress?" she said holding up a pink backless number.
"You're going to be outside, silly. You can't wear that!" They laughed.
"Okay, I'll guess I'll put on some jeans and this cashmere sweater," she said holding up a thin ivory v-neck.
"Perfect! You will look hot while you're freezing your ass off!"
three
Not really understanding football in the least, Ivy cheered when Keith cheered and felt safe when he wrapped his arm around her sporadically. More than once she caught him staring at her but would then look back to the field when she would return his look. Although it was freezing and she was drinking cold beer, her body felt warm.
After the game they found themselves smashed in the slow moving crowd and his body was pushed up behind hers as they made their way to the exit. Ivy said nothing as she felt his excited member behind her. When the exit bottlenecked and the rowdy crowed stopped moving, he was silent as he wrapped his arms around her waist, dutifully closing whatever small space that previously existed between them. Ivy's eyes closed and the noise disappeared as she felt Keith's hands in her hair and his soft lips on the back of her neck for a brief moment.
Suddenly the crowd started moving again and it thinned out before long. Keith took her hand, led her outside and slipped into a dark hallway, presumably an employee entrance of some sort Ivy thought, and kissed her long and hard against a cement wall. There were faint sounds in the distance and the hip-hop music that played to celebrate the team's victory muffled anything else.
"Oh, Keith," she uttered as he led her hand to his crotch.
"Shhh," he said as his hands unzipped her parka and made their way underneath her sweater. His lips made their way down her swan-like neck and were soon sucking on her breasts. She caressed his throbbing penis through his pants and with one swift motion he unzipped her jeans and placed his fingers inside of her. He kissed her again to silence her soft moans. Feeling her moistness lubricate his fingers, he unzipped his pants and penetrated her. He held her up against the wall while he fucked her for the first time. The only sound to be heard was that of his grunting in her ear.
four
"Shut the F up. No. You. Didn't." Maggie listened in disbelief as Ivy recanted the night to her the next morning. She filled her in on how after their tryst at the stadium, they made love again in his car, fogging up the windows of his Lexus SUV, before he drove her home and kissed her neck so passionately that a hickey had produced itself as proof.
"Maggie, it was awesome. I mean, I know he's married and all, but he kept going on about how he thinks about me all the time and wasn't going to able to sleep and how he couldn't wait to see me again."
"Wow. That's never happened to me at a football game before."
"Well, I sure wasn't expecting for that to happen to me either. I mean, I was sure we would sleep together at some point because he's always so flirty in his emails and when we see each other, but never would I thought it would have happened at the stadium, for heaven's sake! I had envisioned a nice hotel for our first time, but this was fun too."
"Sounds like it. I know this thing with you guys has been brewing for a while and this was bound to happen based on his emails that you showed me."
"Maggie, he writes me all the time, even during his work day or on the weekends when he is home with his family."
"I have no words."
"I've tried not to be so blatant and overly flirtatious in my emails to him in case his wife ever finds them, but his are like he doesn't even care, so whatever."
"If he's fine with it then, cool. He's totally encouraging this whole thing anyway."
five
Happy Heart
My heart has joy in every conceivable way.
Finding this joy has been like a slow burn and I hope it will stay.
The object of this joy may or may not one day be wholly mine, but in my heart he already is, and I his.
Time
Time has been with us all this time.
Time to grow. Time to learn. Time to be.
Now it is time to see.
Untitled
To be a sweet treat is a desirous feeling, up and down from floor to ceiling.
One step at a time is how the saying goes, another delight is on the way so stay on your toes.
Keith reread the poems that Ivy sent to him by mail. She certainly was not a poet, but her feelings were clear. Two weeks had passed since they had last seen each other at the football game during which time Ivy had learned she'd gotten the job in the city and would be moving shortly.
six
From: keithr@email.com
Tuesday, March 16, 2007 11:03am
I,
Congratulations on your new gig! I received your email the other day. Sorry I haven't had time to respond, have been buried at work and running my kids all over town to all their various practices.
In any case we have to celebrate! You deserve it! When are you leaving? I think you said you were here for another two weeks in your email - I can't believe you're actually going. Who am I going to go to football games with :) Let me know if you can meet for lunch this Thursday and or have drinks on next Wednesday.
Can't wait to see you. All of you.
Waiting,
KR
From: blueivy@email.com
Tuesday, March 16, 2007 11:15am
Hey!
I can definitely do lunch and drinks. Where should I meet you for lunch?
Oh, yes, I'm leaving in two weeks time. I can't believe I'm going either. Hopefully you can visit. They have stadiums in the city too :)
Ivy
From: keithr@email.com
Tuesday, March 16, 2007 11:23am
Meet me in room 528. Just kidding, that's my office number :) I'll clear my calendar from 12 - 2:30 so I won't be rushed. Let's meet at The Four Seasons. I will see you in the lobby at noon this Thursday.
Until,
KR
From: blueivy@email.com
Tuesday, March 16, 2007 11:38am
Sounds good and I will see you then.
Forgot to ask - did you get my poems? I'm not really a poet, but it's a weak attempt at self-expression.
Till Thursday...
From: keithr@email.com
Tuesday, March 16, 2007 11:45am
Yes I did get your poems. Thank you so much. They were beautiful.
Looking forward to seeing you.
KR
From blueivy@email.com
Tuesday, March 16, 2007 11:53am
Glad you got them. I enjoyed writing them.
I'll let you get back to work and will see you on Thursday.
xo
I
From keithr@email.com
Tuesday, March 16, 2007 12:00pm
The only thing I am working on is thinking about when I can visit you in the city. I am so there. In the meantime, will work on getting tickets to another game before you go, or at the very least maybe we can think of an activity to do ourselves...
Until,
seven
No longer able to concentrate on work, Keith left the office, sped to his suburban home fifteen miles outside the city and surprised his wife, who was folding laundry while listening to NPR turned up to its full volume. Her pale face registered shock when she saw him walk through the door with determination in his step.
He tossed aside the Nerf basketball, cheerleading uniform, notebooks, and video game cases that littered the couch and made love to his wife. He didn't bother to undress either of them completely, but merely unzipped his pants, loosened his tie, and untied her fleece robe. He ground into her like a man possessed and didn't seem to notice or care that her body simply lay there unresponsive. She moaned to encourage the end of this act of which she was not particularly fond of. At least not like this. This random appearing act of his was disruptive and she would now have to Fabreeze the couch to rid it of any hint of sexual activity. The kids would be home early and she did not want them to think their parents had made love anywhere besides their bedroom.
Competing with the sounds of shots fired in a war-torn village being reported on NPR, he came loudly, kissed his wife on her closed lips, and returned to work.
eight
Ivy did her best to calm her nerves in the taxi on her way to the Four Seasons. She could smell her perfume and worried that she had applied too much. Was her lipstick too red for a lunch? And was her dress, a royal blue backless minidress, too much? The only thing she was sure about was that she’d put all her effort into looking her best for Keith, and for that she was happy.
“Ivy. You look phenomenal. Congratulations,” he said upon her entrance into the lobby. He helped her out of her coat and couldn’t resist resting his hand on the small of her back, sending electric shocks through her body as his skin touched hers. “Wow. What are you doing to me, Ivy?”
For an hour and a half and with four dirty martinis, a Cobb salad and B.L.T. between them, Keith sat entranced as Ivy filled him in on her new job and apartment and wagged his head like a dog when she invited him to visit. Ivy took his hand in hers.
“I’m going to miss this. You.”
“I’m going to miss you too, Ivy. I really am.” He gently stroked her hand.
“Promise me you will come visit.”
“I promise.” He leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Let’s get out of here.”
Keith settled the bill and guided Ivy, suddenly giddy, to an elevator, which opened directly into a penthouse suite. Ivy could hardly contain her excitement. The room was filled with dozens of roses and champagne chilled on a table.
“What is all this?”
“It’s for you, Ivy. I told you we were going to celebrate,” he said hugging her tightly.
“But I’m confused. Don’t you have to go back to work?” she said as her eyes bounced around the room.
“Of course I do, but I managed to clear the rest of the afternoon.”
“You did? For me? Oh my goodness. Keith.” She looked deeply into his eyes. “I don’t what to say.”
“It’s not a football stadium but I hope it’s okay.”
“My goodness. It’s more than okay. It’s perfect.”
From: keithr@email.com
Thursday, April 1, 2007 6:12pm
Hey gorgeous,
How is the city treating you? I hope you are settling in okay. Life is much the same here; the new fund is almost closed, the kids are still dragging me everywhere, and been trying to take care of some overdue things around the house.
I received the cd you sent me, aptly (not sure?) titled Poetry Man. I must say I had never even heard of Phoebe Snow before and although the song is nice, if a little folksy, it is certainly on the depressing side! I hope I didn’t depress you, Ivy, because this woman sounds like she lost her puppy. I’m just kidding. You know if you gave it to me I love it. The other tunes are great and certainly make me think about a certain football game and the songs have nothing to do with sports! You are amazing, Ivy. Truly.
Hope to see you soon,
KR
From: blueivy@email.com
Thursday, April 1, 2007 8:23pm
Hi there,
I was wondering if you received the cd because I hadn’t heard from you since I left a few weeks ago. I’m glad you got it and like the songs. Just wanted to thank you again for that awesome lunch – into dinner – at the Four Seasons. I can’t believe we didn’t leave that room until 11 o'clock that night! To say that I had fun would be an understatement. It was nice to be in such a private (and beautiful) space after the football stadium. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have had your full attention for the entire night. You couldn’t have planned it better. From the Jacuzzi to watching the sun set on the enormous bed, to the third (?) bottle of Veuve was awesome.
Hopefully you can visit soon.
xxoo
From blueivy@email.com
Thursday, April 1, 2007 8:47pm
Forgot to also thank you for the amazing dinner. I thought the Four Seasons lunch was great, but you outdid yourself with our private dinner in that amazing suite at the St. Regis. I still can’t believe you had a butler (a butler!) for just the two of us! You have really spoiled me, Keith, and I miss you already.
Yours,
Ivy
Ivy, 4/6/07
I hope this isn’t your first piece of big city mail, but I wanted to wish you well again. You are incredible and deserve every ounce of success that comes your way. I’m enclosing a cd of some of my favorite music for you to enjoy to return the favor. It’s mostly upbeat tunes, but I threw some special ones to remind you of our time together. I can still feel you in every sense of the word...
KR
Ivy stood paralyzed in her living room as she reread the letter received by mail for the fifth time. She immediately listened to the cd and felt her knees go weak and her groin grow moist as she imagined him there with her.
From: blueivy@email.com
Wednesday, April7, 2007 7:15am
Received your letter and cd yesterday. Would have written then to thank you but spent the rest of the night with it on repeat drinking too much wine, and fell asleep.
Thinking of you as I decide which set of La Perla undies to wear. I think it is a black lace kind of day and I also remember it being your favorite. You were VERY excited about it in the shop when you bought it for me. Funny how the salesperson didn’t mind that you went into the dressing room with me, to “make sure it fit”, as you said.
Yes, it’s definitely a black lace kind of day.
Miss you tons,
Ivy
From: keithr@email.com
Sunday, April 11, 2007 9:12pm
Hey there – sorry for the delay been busy playing taxi service to everyone in my house, which I have to myself for a few hours. Sitting here having a glass of red thinking about black lace.
After this email Keith went radio silent. Another month would pass before Ivy would hear from him again, despite her multiple emails to him.
From blueivy@email.com
Tuesday, May 12, 2007 7:56pm
Hey,
What’s up, stranger? Are you still alive, lol. Work is busy and I’m enjoying meeting new people here, but I miss you terribly.
Did you get my note about planning a time for your visit? Would be great to see you.
xo
From: blueivy@email.com
Friday, May 15, 2007 9:30pm
Another long day at work. Keeping crazy hours here and hoping to get out soon. Some co-workers are going to a local bar to celebrate someone’s birthday, but I may call it a night. Kinda tired and not so much in the mood to socialize.
Hope to talk soon,
From: blueivy@email.com
Friday, May 22, 2007 4:12pm
Can’t believe another week has flown by.
Just checking to see if all is well. Would love to chat. Call me anytime.
Ivy
From: keithr@email.com
Wednesday, May 27, 2007 3:22pm
Hey!
Gosh, I’m getting terrible at this whole email thing. But doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about you. Every time a friend of mine moves away my contact with that person seems to dwindle with it. I’m sorry, don’t take it personally. I will try to do better.
Here’s to black lace,
Kx
From: blueivy@email.com
Wednesday, May 27, 2007 4:15pm
So you ARE alive! I thought so!!
You promised me a visit and you have to come. You know, now that you are alive and everything…
Your friend (?),
From: keithr@email.com
Wednesday, June 1, 2007 5:00am
Work is insane but will try to plan a visit.
Will let you know.
KR
From: blueivy@email.com
Thursday, July 12, 2007 7:45pm
Hi,
Doesn’t look like you can make any of the weekends I proposed in the note I sent you last month. I’ve got friends in and out of town visiting so it would be helpful if you could get back to me.
Wanting and waiting,
Ivy
eight
“Maggie, I just don’t get it. Before I left he was all over me and now it takes him weeks to answer an email. What the hell is going on?” she asked her friend as they walked through the park. Ivy was distraught when they last spoke and Maggie hopped the first train to comfort her friend.
“He probably went back to his wife. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s probably what happened.”
“But he’d never left her so why would now be any different?”
“Who knows? Maybe she found that picture you gave him of you two. Anything could have happened and now instead of just being straight with you, he’s backing off.”
“All I want is for him to visit. Even once.”
“You think you only want him to come see you once, but you will want more. Trust me.”
“No, really. I just want to see him again. I don’t expect him to leave his family for me. I mean, I know that’s not going to happen and I’m okay with that.”
“Ivy, try to let him go. The same thing happened to me when I was with Rob. I didn’t move away like you, but as much as I told myself I only wanted “one more time”, he had his own plans and dropped me like a hot potato when he was finished with me.”
“You were pretty upset I remember.”
“Yes. Wasted energy. Why don’t you try going on a date with someone. Take your mind off it.”
Ivy tried to put Keith out of her mind and tried to be more open whenever she saw a cute guy. She started going out with her co-workers and tried to be more in the world, but try as she did to date she was never asked out. She desperately wanted a distraction so that she could move on from Keith. Four more months had passed with no word from him. She sought to free herself from him the only way she knew how.
She wrote him a letter. Again, mailing her heart to his office.
nine
Keith was stunned when he read Ivy’s letter. Maybe stunned isn’t the right word. He was incredibly uncomfortable and fidgeted in his seat. He sent an IM for his assistant to cancel the rest of his day and he left the office.
He needed to remove himself and the bomb of a letter she’d sent from his office as soon as possible.
He drove around the corner from his office and sat in the car and reread the letter again.
Dear Keith, November 20, 2007
I hope life is treating you well and that work is going great for you. By now, the fund you were raising is probably closed and you are on to the next thing. Still can’t believe I ever worked in that environment, but I have no regrets because it led me to you.
Without being too melodramatic, I wanted to send you a note to express my disappointment in not having heard from you in so long. I know you have your obligations and are swamped all the time but I thought at the very least I deserved a response to my emails and letters. I gave my heart to you and feel like you don’t even care.
You read that last part right. I gave my heart to you.
I loved you Keith and really enjoyed our time together. Our dates were awesome. Believe me, I wasn’t planning on falling for a married man, but it happened. I felt like I was in a romance novel with the things we were doing and the level of excitement I felt. Please understand me, I never had the expectation that you would leave your wife and kids for me, but I had no control over what my heart did. Sure, it was a choice, to the extent that I knew you were married, but you were so persuasive and made me feel so special that I’d like to think you felt the same – if not something similar – for me too.
That music you sent me. Wow. I thought my songs were romantic, but you really pulled out the stops. From Donna Summer’s “Love to Love You Baby” (which I love), to The Cure's "Pictures of You", to Billy Joel’s “Just the Way You Are”, I was literally sobbing at times. Could have been the wine too.
I know you are busy and I won’t drag this out any longer, but I really just wanted you to know that I loved you deeply and passionately. I valued all the time we spent together and to this day, I can’t wear my La Perla if I am going on a date (if it can be called that) with someone. Sometimes when I think of you I will wear it around the house, dancing (or crying) to your music, while spritzing myself with the perfume I bought just for you before our lunch at The Four Seasons. Didn’t know that, did you? Yep, I bought that perfume just for you. And dressing in that ridiculous mini-skirt when it was freezing was also for you. This is what I mean when I tell you that I loved you. I did these crazy things for you and allowed myself to fall into the favor of a married man.
I’m trying so hard to let you go now. You’ve obviously forgotten about me and returned to your life (or found someone else to take to sporting events) because I haven’t heard from you in ages. I don’t hate you for your silence and absolve you from even replying to this letter. Perhaps you don’t see the point and need to let me go too. I get it. We had fun and that was that. I am sure you are dealing with your infidelity in whatever way you know how.
I remember you once told me that my having paid attention to you made you feel attractive because everything was lacking at home. You said how you didn’t want to watch your kids play video games all day and was turned off by your wife’s seemingly laziness on the couch all the time. I foolishly believed that I could somehow make you love me back if I showed you enough attention, or satisfy you in ways your wife couldn’t, but looking back now, I realize that was a childish way of thinking and I should have never put those expectations on myself or on you, even if it was subconsciously.
Well I’ve babbled on long enough for now so I will close. Please don’t feel like you need to reply. You probably won’t anyway and I don’t know what you could possibly say. Just know that our time together was special for me and I had a ball.
Happy Holidays.
Best regards,
Ivy
Keith went to the nearest bar and ordered a scotch on the rocks. He struck up a conversation with a pretty girl and soon went home with her.
Dear Ivy, March 2, 2008
I'm sure you didn't expect this letter. I have thought of you often, but between long hours at work, the holiday season - which went by in a blur - the weeks turning into months (can you believe it's March 08 already?), and not knowing exactly what to say, this reply is long overdue. I received your heartfelt letter and all I can say is I'm sorry. I know it probably doesn't give credence to your feelings, but I am. The way things were going one of us was bound to get hurt and I am sorry that person was you. I never planned for that to happen. Like you, I have very much enjoyed getting to know you better outside the office and looked forward to our catch-ups (notice I did not refer to them as dates as you did in your letter). You are a wonderful, beautiful, vivacious young woman and have nothing but great things ahead of you in life. As for myself, I made my choices long ago and must honor them. The carefree life that you have at present is not one that I necessarily enjoy.
I will admit, however, that I was swept up in "all things Ivy" and allowed myself a freedom not known since I don't know when.
I know I thanked you for the gifts you gave me (cd, photo of us at the park, the poetry you'd written for me, and the bottle of aged scotch), but I'd like to most sincerely thank you again. They were awesome and put a smile on my face even now when I think of you. I hope that you can one day enjoy the music I gave to you in return. They are simply songs that I have enjoyed and wanted for you to do the same. Unlike you may think, there is no underlying meaning to my having sent them to you, I just thought they would put some pep in your step (not that you need any pep in your step with those long legs of yours, but you get what I am saying...).
Saying I "treasure our friendship" sounds so cliché, especially in light of everything, but please know that I do and am here if you ever want to talk or need advice of any kind. I know you are going to do great things in your life (you already have!) and I wish you nothing but the best. You are an inspiration and I am so glad I got to know you better. And again please know that I am very sorry that you were hurt in all of this - whatever this was - because it was not my intention. I can only offer my friendship and thought I had been clear on that all along.
Truly, all best.
KR
ten
Ivy was thriving. During the space of a few months that she had written to Keith and received his cowardly backtracking response, she had met someone. She and Eamon were a striking couple and he adored the ground she walked on. She had been honest with Keith in that she never expected a response from her letter, it was more to release herself from him and to move forward with her life. She felt free as a bird when she mailed it and although his response showed him to be the jerk he was, according to both she and Maggie, she felt a sense of closure and managed to put it all behind her and no sooner that she did this Eamon entered her life and did not judge her when she told him about Keith.
Work was also going exceptionally well for her. In addition to her duties as the assistant to the editor, she had taken on a side project of blogging on the magazine's website about dating in the city. Her posts were generally light and fun in nature: what to do and where to go on a first date, restaurant suggestions, etc., all of which she enjoyed writing. Her blog became a well-read fixture for the magazine and one day a reader sent her an email about her married boyfriend. She described him as charming, overly flirtatious in his communications with her, and she felt as if he was encouraging the affair where she was trying to remain levelheaded. Because of his actions, taking her to sporting events, lunches at The Four Seasons, and sending her romantic music, she felt she was falling in love with him and needed Ivy's advice. She said his name was Keith and that he worked in finance.
She attached a photo of the two of them.
eleven
Keith was having a bad day at the office. The financial markets were in full implosion mode and his recently-formed fund was underperforming and he watched it's value drastically decrease with every breaking news headline on CNBC. His frantic efforts in trying to unwind his trading positions were futile and his fund decreased sixty percent in value in just one hour.
His assistant was overwhelmed by incoming calls from investors wanting to redeem as soon as possible. Everyone, it seemed, wanted out of the market. She gave herself a five-minute reprieve and went to her former co-worker's blog about dating in the city. Her mouth dropped when she saw Ivy's photo with Keith and his photo with another woman. She instantly forwarded the link to the other assistants in the office and read Ivy's letter to the woman.
Dear Margaret,
Thank you for requesting my advice about your situation. Of all the emails I get yours has left me breathless, for I, too, found myself in an identical situation as you not so long ago. This will blow your mind as much as it blows mine in admitting this, but my affair was with your Keith.
There. I've said it.
It was not a secret that he was married and I am not proud of my actions, and I empathize with you. Our situation is identical in that I did my best to keep a level head but Keith pulled out all the stops and created a world in which I felt special, safe, charmed, and loved. One could not help but fall in love with someone who fills up a Four Seasons penthouse with red roses for you.
It was never my intent to go public with my story, as I had put it all behind me, but your email brought me to tears, as I so understood your pain.
That said, now that you know you have fallen for a serial adulterer who apparently lacks originality - I also received a cd (I'm guessing he has a lover's playlist), attended sporting events (football, in my case), and saw the sun set from the Four Seasons penthouse suite - you should be well equipped to draw your own conclusion. But in case you need for things to be clearer for you I am also enclosing a few of our email exchanges and his last letter to me. I have moved on and so should you.
Best of luck to you and do send him my regards.
Fondly,
Ivy
twelve
Keith's kids helped their mother prepare dinner while they listened to NPR. His teenage daughter increased the volume when the host announced the author behind her favorite blog about dating in the city. Her brother set the table while she and her mother put the finishing touches on the salad. Their father would be arriving home any minute now so hurry it up, the mother said.
As the blogger talked about the unique experience she shared with one of her readers both mother and daughter listened intently. They both agreed it sounded like a juicy story. She had not mentioned her paramour's name, but said his photo and their email exchanges where on her blog. The host was aghast as the blogger discussed the parallels between the two stories and took listener's calls as they shared their experiences with infidelity. The blogger couldn't believe how her opening up about her own experience touched so many women who had also been led on by a married man. Mother and daughter just had to see who this schmuck was that the blogger spoke of. The teenage daughter grabbed her laptop that her brother was now using, and logged on to the blog.
The color drained from their three faces when their father and husband's face smiled back at them from the screen. The mother became sick and vomited in the sink as she read the email exchanges.
The mother had no reply when her husband walked through the door and said simply, 'Hey, what's up?'
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